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“Resilience is a process and result of successfully adjusting to harsh or challenging life situations particularly through flexibility in one’s mind, emotions and behaviours and adjustment to external and internal pressures”.
(APA Dictionary of Psychology)
Resilience is a multifaceted construct that is influenced by personal traits, dynamic processes, environmental resources and one’s coping strategies. It has garnered significant attention across various disciplines, including psychology, sociology, and medicine. The exploration of resilience across disciplines illuminates its profound significance in understanding human adaptability and flourishing in the face of adversity. Through its multifaceted lens resilience emerges as a dynamic process that empowers individuals and couples to navigate life’s challenges effectively. Even though much research on resilience has primarily focused on individuals like children, adolescents etc, in recent years resilience and coping became an interesting topic among theorists and researchers to conceptualise resilience at a larger systems or dyadic level (Masten & Coatsworth, 1998; Walsh, 1996). However, their perspectives on resilience in larger systems are somewhat different. For example, Masten & Coatsworth (1998) define family resilience as an outcome achieved after overcoming extreme adversity such as war (Shamai et al., 2018) and claims only the families who successfully adapt and maintain positive relationships after such challenges are considered resilient, while Walsh (1996) views resilience as a resource/ a promotive factor that plays a more protective role acting as a mediator or moderator that influences how relationships cope with and adapt to stressors.
Couple relationships are a fundamental aspect of human experience. They provide companionship, intimacy, emotional support, and a sense of belonging. The couple relationship is important to the family system, and is even frequently considered its very core. Even beyond its familial role, the couple relationship is a major source of enjoyment and well-being in adulthood. Resilience is located within the person, and an intimate relationship unfolds as a complex, mutually agreed upon definitions of relatedness. It involves an interdependent, interconnected, and collaborative negotiation process where the two individuals involved determine the rules and roles that are appropriate to their relationship. Close relationships, like family and romantic relationships, are like a buffer against life’s challenges (Zimmerman et al., 2013).Many theories tend to focus on either individual or social systems when studying resilience in relationships. This seems to create a bit of a gap (Walsh, 1996). A more comprehensive understanding demands a multilevel approach. The mutually influencing nature of social interactions and the individuals inside them implies that resilience is best reflected by analysing both levels (Bodenmann, 1997). Furthermore, literature suggests that a solid theory of couple resilience should include all psychological, behavioural and social components (Beitin & Allen, 2005) of stress and coping in the relationship. That would allow for more in-depth investigation into how individual qualities and relationship dynamics interact to promote couple resilience. Given the multifaceted nature of couple resilience, researchers use a variety of approaches to capture its complexities. This acknowledges that couple resilience manifests differently depending on the context, the couple’s characteristics, and their life stage. Studies on couple resilience may explore different contexts, with diverse couples and throughout their lifespan. Moreover, the couple’s resilience is fostered by a complex interplay of factors, but within a framework that acknowledges the ongoing and dynamic nature of relationships.
| Relational Perspective Emphasize the quality of the relationship itself, including communication patterns, trust and emotional bond as crucial factors in fostering resilience. (Hospital & Snyders, n.d.; Skerrett Karen & Fergus karen, 2015; Walsh, 1996) | Integrative Perspective Emphasize the importance of both individual strengths and coping strategies, along with the dynamics of the relationship itself. Each partner brings unique resources and capabilities to the table, when they effectively combine, it contributes to the overall couple’s resilience. | Process Perspective Emphasize resilience as a dynamic process that unfolds over time. Through continuous interactions, feedback loops and adaptive changes in response to stressors and life events, couples build resilience. This perspective highlights the fact that relationships are not static but require constant work from both partners. (Connolly, 2005; Lederer William J. & Jackson Donald De Avila, 1968; Skerrett Karen & Fergus karen, 2015) |
Bidirectional relationship with resilience and promoting factors.
Since resilience is a dynamic process driven by a variety of factors, these influence each other positively through a feedback loop (figure 1). This loop leads to a cycle of adaptation and thriving. As couples face stressors together, their inherent resilience enables them to access pillars of resilience or promoting factors. These elements then boost their resilience, leaving them better prepared to face future adversities.
In fact, in relationships, people don’t function in isolation. Their behaviours, attitudes and experiences influence each other. According to the Actor-Partner Interdependence Model, the relational factors contribute to the couple’s resilience.
| Actor effect – the influence of an individual’s own characteristics such as resilience, personality etc on their own experiences and outcomes | Partner effect – the influence of partner’s characteristics such as resilience, personality on the focal individual’s experiences and outcomes |
Resilience promoting factors.
Research on resilience has identified several key components and mechanisms that contribute to individuals’ and couples’ ability to navigate difficult circumstances effectively. These factors include personal traits, social support networks, coping strategies, and environmental resources (Bonanno, 2004). Moreover, resilience is viewed as a dynamic process that unfolds over time, influenced by both internal factors and external contexts (Luthar et al., 2000).
On one hand, certain personality traits play important roles in resilience. Optimism, or the belief in optimistic outcomes, provides hope throughout difficult circumstances. Self-efficacy, or confidence in one’s ability to deal, allows couples to confront issues head on. Couple efficacy, or the shared belief in their ability to overcome obstacles together, generates a sense of security and collaboration. Furthermore, the ability of the partners to assess situations objectively, helps couples develop effective coping strategies by avoiding catastrophizing, and having healthy coping mechanisms allows us to bounce back from adversities together.
On the other hand, external support systems act as a safety net for the striving journey. Culture plays an important role in a couple’s perception of resilience. Cultural norms and expectations influence the communication styles, expression of emotions and navigate conflicts. Also, financial stress is a major source of conflict. Couples with strong financial management skills and secure financial foundation are better equipped to weather financial struggles. Having a network of friends or immediate families who offer emotional comfort strengthens resilience by providing validation and a sense of belonging. Furthermore, the presence of someone external to provide practical support during emergencies , such as childcare help or financial assistance, can alleviate stress and allow couples to focus on each other. Moreover, beyond individual traits and immediate environment support, socioeconomic status has a significant role in resilience. While lower SES can act as a stressor, higher SES often has strong social support networks and access to community resources, like couple’s counselling, to mitigate the impact of financial or relationship hardship. Therefore, while love is crucial, daily hassles and long-term financial goals can significantly impact couple resilience.
According to the Resilience Constellation Model by Dziengel (2012) proposed that maturity, integration as a couple, compatibility, complementarity and ambiguity of external support are positively associated with resilience in couples. In fact, ‘We-ness’ in couple relationships provide the sense of unity, interconnectedness and shared identity that partners develop overtime. It reflects the extent to which individuals view themselves and their partner as a collective unit rather than separate entities (Skerrett Karen & Fergus karen, 2015). In fact, those who find purpose after adversity or traumatic situations have better outcomes compared to those who do not (Janoff-Bulman & Yopyk, 2004). Furthermore, having shared meaning for the stressor event (Rosenfeld & Hausen, 2023) fosters a sense of unity and purpose to strive together. Also, Quality of the relationship (QoR) itself can serve as a source of resilience, providing emotional security and a sense of belonging during challenging times.
Cultivating resilience in a couple relationship requires commitment from both partners.
As researchers delve deeper into the mechanisms underlying resilience, the potential for interventions aimed at empowering resilience and promoting well-being becomes increasingly evident. By cultivating resilience at both the individual and relational levels we can foster not only adaptive responses to adversity but also opportunities for growth, connection and flourishing in the face of life’s inevitable challenges. Resilient couples possess certain qualities and follow principles that help them navigate challenges and maintain a strong, healthy relationship. Couple resilience can fostered by:
- – Practice of open and honest communication to share thoughts, feelings and needs with each other in a respectful and empathetic way involving active listening.
- – Learning to navigate disagreements constructively without resorting to blame or defensiveness.
- – Having a shared meaning for the stressor and viewing stressor objectively.
- – Expressing gratitude and affection for each other, recognizing and celebrating the partner’s strengths and contributions.
- – Making quality time for each other, doing activities both partners enjoy.
- – Maintaining we-ness in couple relationships to provide a sense of unity, interconnectedness, shared identity and mutual support.
- – Meaning for the relationship, identify the importance of the relationship and prioritizing the well-being of the partners alongside individual needs.
- – Having shared meaning for the stressor event to foster unity and purpose. And see the stressor as a common threat and to foster a sense of ‘us against’ the world, viewing partners as a team.
- – Interdependence and complementarity to support each other.
- – Self-pruning and self-changing in order to improve the relationship well-being to foster resilience among partners.
- – Acknowledging negotiation, respect, tolerance and acceptance especially in the face of adversities.
- – Love and intimacy to secure relationships, a sense of belonging, comfort each other, and express vulnerabilities during difficult times.
- – Seeking support from external resources, from a therapist, immediate families, loyal and caring friends as they can equip with additional tools and strategies for strengthening the relationship resilience.
In conclusion, couple resilience is not a shield but rather a set of skills and a way of approaching challenges that empowers partners to navigate life’s inevitable storms together. By nurturing internal strengths like healthy communication and optimism, and leveraging external support systems, couples can build a resilient relationship. A resilient relationship is not just about weathering hardships, but about emerging stronger and more connected on the other side.
By Nishara C. Perera
nishara.chathurangi@gmail.com
References
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Bodenmann, G. (1997). Dyadic coping: A systemic-transactional view of stress and coping among couples: Theory and empirical findings. European Review of Applied Psychology / Revue Européenne de Psychologie Appliquée, 47(2), 137–141.
Bonanno, G. A. (2004). Loss, Trauma, and Human Resilience: Have We Underestimated the Human Capacity to Thrive after Extremely Aversive Events? In American Psychologist (Vol. 59, Issue 1, pp. 20–28). https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.59.1.20
Connolly, C. M. (2005). A Qualitative Exploration of Resilience in Long-Term Lesbian Couples. The Family Journal, 13(3), 266–280. https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480704273681
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A.P.E. 
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