The Fragility of Identity: Between the Self and the Other

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Introduction  

What does it mean to truly know oneself? The question has echoed through centuries of philosophy, psychoanalysis, and cognitive science yet remains elusive. Identity is both fluid and fragile, shaped by the conscious and unconscious, the individual and the collective. We are not just products of our past experiences but also of the expectations and projections of others.  

Psychoanalysis has long argued that identity is constructed through the gaze of the other. Lacan’s mirror stage suggests that our first encounter with ourselves is mediated through an external reflection (Lacan, 1949). Even before we can form coherent self-perceptions, we are caught in an endless negotiation between our inner world and the societal framework that dictates who we should be.  

 The unconscious layers of the self  

Freud introduced the idea that beneath the rational ego lies the unconscious—a vast reservoir of desires, repressions, and conflicts (Freud, 1915). Our identity is not just who we consciously claim to be, but also the sum of what we deny, suppress, or forget. The past, particularly unresolved childhood conflicts, lingers in the unconscious, shaping how we relate to ourselves and others.  

This unconscious dimension explains why individuals often experience identity crises at moments of transition—adolescence, major career shifts, or after significant losses (Erikson, 1968). These periods dismantle the carefully constructed self-image, exposing hidden fears and insecurities.  

The role of memory in shaping identity  

Memory is both a foundation and a distortion of identity. Neuroscience has shown that memory is reconstructive rather than a perfect recording of events (Schacter, 1999). We do not simply recall; we reinterpret, filling in gaps with narratives that feel coherent. This means identity is never static—who we think we were yesterday is shaped by who we are today.  

Individuals suffering from amnesia or neurodegenerative disorders often experience a profound loss of self. When memory fades, does identity dissolve with it? The answer is complex. While memory provides a sense of continuity, identity also resides in embodied experiences, emotions, and relational patterns that persist even in the absence of recollection (Damasio, 1999). 

 

 The paradox of social identity  

Human beings are social creatures, yet social belonging often comes at the cost of authenticity. Social identity theory suggests that we categorize ourselves based on group affiliations—nationality, gender, profession—adopting the norms and expectations attached to these labels (Tajfel & Turner, 1979). This external validation creates stability but can also become a prison.  

Carl Jung’s concept of the persona reflects this tension (Jung, 1928). The persona is the mask we wear to function in society, but excessive identification with it can lead to alienation from the true self. Many experience this in high-pressure environments where conformity is rewarded. The cost of belonging can sometimes be the loss of individuality.  

 Conclusion: The self as a work in progress  

Identity is never fully known or fixed. It is a process, an interplay between conscious self-definition and unconscious influences, between personal history and social structures. To understand ourselves is to embrace the contradictions—to acknowledge that we are, at once, familiar and foreign to ourselves.  

Perhaps, then, the truest identity is not found in certainty but in the willingness to keep questioning. To be human is to be unfinished, always in the act of becoming.

By: Adana Coka
adanacoka2@gmail.com

Bibliography  

– Damasio, A. (1999). *The Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness.* Harcourt.  

– Erikson, E. H. (1968). *Identity: Youth and Crisis.* Norton & Company.  

– Freud, S. (1915). *The Unconscious.* The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud.  

– Jung, C. G. (1928). *The Relations Between the Ego and the Unconscious.* Princeton University Press.  

– Lacan, J. (1949). *The Mirror Stage as Formative of the Function of the I.* Écrits.  

– Schacter, D. L. (1999). *The Seven Sins of Memory: Insights From Psychology and Cognitive Neuroscience.* American Psychologist, 54(3), 182-203.  

– Tajfel, H., & Turner, J. C. (1979). *An Integrative Theory of Intergroup Conflict.* In W. G. Austin & S. Worchel (Eds.), The Social Psychology of Intergroup Relations.