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Dysfunctional families are marked by unhealthy dynamics that influence the emotional, through this, psychological, and behavioral development of children, often shaping their self-perception, relationships, and coping mechanisms throughout life. During childhood, those children often take on some common roles, which influence their relationships with both parents and siblings. One of them is a scapegoat role, which is commonly known as the “problem child”. In this article focuses on the characteristics, mechanisms and the developmental outcomes of those children.
The scapegoat child role
The term “scapegoat” originates from an ancient Hebrew tradition during the annual Day of Atonement, in which a goat was symbolically burdened with the sins of the people and then sent into the wilderness to perish as a form of sacrifice.
In dysfunctional families often one of the children is the target for all the blame and shame of the family. Parents put all the family issues on them, often bullying and abusing them, as they are the reason for it. As the effect, the family learns to misplace all the frustration on the scapegoat, to falsely maintain the balance in the household.
The selection of the scapegoat is a complex process, which does not have a one general explanation. It can be based on a gender, birth order, or identity. It can also stem from a parents’ projection of hard feelings toward a different person that the child reminds of. Parents, who create this family dynamic, often grow up themselves in dysfunctional families which taught them this pattern of behavior. Another possible explanation is a parents’ diagnosis of personality disorder, such as narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder, which leads to a strong idealization and devaluation.
Those children often tend to internalize those feelings of blame and believe that they are the reason for the problem. In consequence, it can lead to severe consequences, including trauma, unhealthy relationships, difficulty setting boundaries, and even self-harm.
Coping mechanisms of the scapegoat
Constantly bullied, blamed, and labeled as the “problem child,” scapegoats often struggle to see their family as a safe or loving environment. In consequence they develop various mechanisms to cope with the feelings of blame and disappointment, which often continue during adulthood. Some of them are:
- Hyper-independence: scapegoats are often overly independent and individualistic. Their family never gave them the needed support to believe they can trust someone, which in turn made them believe that it is better to rely on themselves.
- Isolation: scapegoats spent most of their childhood being alone. Rejection from their own parents, leads them to isolation, which often stays with them throughout adulthood.
- Codependent relationships: in contrast to the first two competing mechanisms, scapegoats later in life might involve themselves in codependent toxic relationships, to not feel alone and unlovable, as they felt during childhood.
Effects of being a scapegoat
Being a scapegoat often places children in a vulnerable position, often leading to challenges that manifest in various aspects of their lives, such as:
- Emotional trauma: Scapegoats’ emotions and needs are often neglected by their parents. Moreover, they are treated as a source of the family issues, having a label of a ‘bad child’. Over time, this may lead to struggles with self-worth, deeply rooted feelings of shame and beliefs of being unlovable and unworthy of happiness.
- Struggles with boundaries: Gaslighting is a common manipulation technique used in dysfunctional families. This might lead scapegoat children to question their right to set boundaries and be assertive. As a result, they often invalidate their own emotions and needs.
- Toxic relationships: Growing up in an environment where abuse and neglect is normalized can make scapegoats more likely to enter and tolerate unhealthy relationships. Furthermore, they might unconsciously gravitate towards toxic relationships, where they repeat the familiar patterns from childhood.
- Self-sabotage or/and self-harm: the unpleasant feelings that scapegoat children internalize from a very young age, can build up in them. Over time, this can manifest in self-destructive behaviors, such as self-sabotage. Those children might neglect their well-being or engage in reckless activities. In some cases, it might also take a form of self-harm to deal with the emotional pain.
Conclusion
The role of the scapegoat in dysfunctional families leaves deep and lasting psychological wounds. Constant blame, emotional neglect, and mistreatment can shape a child’s self-image, relationships, and coping mechanisms that remain into adulthood. Whether through hyper-independence, isolation, or codependent tendencies, scapegoats develop survival strategies that often come at a personal cost. Without intervention, these patterns can lead to emotional trauma, boundary struggles, toxic relationships, and self-sabotaging behaviors.
Recognizing the impact of scapegoating is the first step toward healing. With self-awareness, therapy, and supportive relationships, individuals can break free from these harmful patterns, rebuild their self-worth, and create healthier connections.
By Kornelia Pacholec
korneliapacholec@gmail.com
Sitography
https://psychcentral.com/health/scapegoat-child
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-the-family-scapegoat-5187038
A.P.E. 
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